Full circle

We are at our one year anniversary. Officially one year ago, we stood in front of the Judge and took our place as mom and son. Nothing could prepare anyone for the roller coaster ride of being a parent. I am blessed to have had the most amazing support of friends and family during this new venture. I could not be happier than I am at this very moment in my life. I will not say that I changed as a person, I believe I just grew into the woman I was meant to be. I have come full circle. 


So I'm back to the velvet underground
Back to the floor that I love
To a room with some lace and paper flowers
Back to the gypsy that I was to the gypsy that I was
The most amazing part of this journey is Monkey. He is so adaptable and so full of love. He wakes up with a smile, blows me kisses as we say goodbye in the mornings and asks me how my day was when I pick him up. When you have the worst of worst days, there is not one thing that can take away the joy he brings me. I found out about six months ago that I will not be able to have my own kids. I was angry and upset for about a week but then it dawned on me, God gave me the chance to impact Monkey's life and my own. That was my lightening strike I needed to realize that tomorrow is never promised. It comes all down to me, how I chose to handle everything. I could give up who I really was deep down and try to emulate what society believe a "mother" should act, say or do. Or, I could be me. Parenting is never something you should resent or use as an excuse to watch life pass you by.
And it all comes down to you
Well you know that it does, well
Lightning strikes maybe once maybe twice
Oh and it lights up the night
And you see you're a gypsy
You see you're a gypsy

Now after a year, we have a routine. We have our own idiosyncrasies that we have become a custom to. People have come in and out of my life, our lives. I have learned to be weary of those with alternative motives and those that do not have our best interest at heart. I have the same passions that I had before. I still get to do things and experience things that make me happy and I also get to have this amazing child to love, and who loves me. 

To the gypsy
That remains
She faces freedom
With a little fear
Well I have no fear
I have only love
And if I was a child
And the child was enough
Enough for me to love
Enough to love

I lived in fear for a long time. Fear once I found out Monkey was sick that I would lose him. Fear that I would fail as a mom and the biggest fear of all was that Monkey wouldn't be happy. These fears far surpassed any thing I had ever worried about before. The thing is, the fear goes away each day. When you wake up grateful every morning, your day  is carried on to the positive notes. I no longer dwell on the bad, sad or madness in this world. I focus on the fact that Monkey and I live in the best world that we can create for each other. Regardless what happens, we will always have enough.

She is dancing away from you now
She was just a wish
She was just a wish
And her memory is all that is left for you now
You see you're a gypsy
You see you're a gypsy


The only difference between last year and now is that I am dancing but, Monkey is dancing along side of me. I still have the gypsy inside that drives me to be the creature that I am. I also get to influence Monkey to have a little gypsy inside him as well. He will always be grounded by a foundation of security, love and sensibility, but I also will make sure that he gets to experience all the adventures that he possibly can. 

Of all the feelings I have experienced, one being unconditional love. That love shows no judgement. It shows no jealousy, hatred or negativity. As long as we keep this in our hearts, we will always be enough.